I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
