We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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