my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
