worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
