what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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