Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
