We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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