Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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