Me. At least after what I've been through.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
