saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
