drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
