Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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