Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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