So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
