Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
