I wanna passion pit in your ass
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
