you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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