You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
