I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
