you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
