What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My feet surprised me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
