don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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