well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
