she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Church boner. Awkwardddd
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
