It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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