Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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