Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize