So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
