Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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