...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
