This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well most of my day revolves around power hour
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
