when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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