I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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