I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
