I am puke
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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