you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
as a side note pls kill me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
