No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
