When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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