so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
