The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
