I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry about my life...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
