By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize