new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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