eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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