Just cropdusted the office
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
