I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
pray to the hookup gods
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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