I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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