Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize