Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
