Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize