I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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