Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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