I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
