i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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