It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
