If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize