So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
