so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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