I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
