Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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