i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's always time for handjobs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
