I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
