Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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