i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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