My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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