Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
