life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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