um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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