I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
