Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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