Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
