A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
