two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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