How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
