when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
