you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
