Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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