Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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