I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
