Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
