Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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