She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
