i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
