she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
