so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
