sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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