Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
