i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
