if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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