for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
