Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
