direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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