It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
